depend? neither me nor you.

another sleepless night. I had all these bothering thoughts in my mind. it was annoying. blergh

but, to think back, it gave me chance to reflect of where do I stand now.

where have i brought my life to?

what are the things that I have done that I can be proud of?

nothing much.

and another question popped in my mind?

AM I DEPENDING TOO MUCH ON PEOPLE?

same shits. just like the last time.. 

being broken just because I didn't get the attention I'm hoping for?

am I being serious?

is that all left of me?

WHAT DO I NEED THESE ATTENTIONS FOR?!

wait, no. 

I can walk on my own.

I can stand on my own two feet. 

I'm not pushing the world behind.

but even the world is turning

even the weather is changing.

people walk away. 

I cant stay and wait. NO.

I, too, have to walk.

I know, our paths, may crossed.

and I enjoy your company.

Of course. You can walk with me. If that's what you want.

if you ask me? I don't mind.

I, do, want you to stay.

But, I cant, if we are not going to the same way.

WHERE AM I GOING?

even me myself can't tell.

there are junctions where I have to stop. 

to think

to ponder of where I'm heading.

But, for that moment of time, 

I only have to choose.

which way to go,

THERE is no telling of what awaits.

but,

there is room to hope

to pray.

that I have made a wise choice. 

but, let's say, it's more bumpy than I thought it'd be.

haven't the last bumpy road taught you enough of how to go through it.

BUT if we are heading the same way,

ready to unravel every chances await,

Please, stay, and walk with me.

But, if you're going to stumble every time the day goes dark, 

I'm sorry,

I can hold you for the first, second, third and fourth time.....

I can hold you all the time.

sadly, it'd treat you unjust,

There are times when you need to learn just to walk through the night.

and fight the fear.

and know that's there is always something guiding you.

even without any hands holding you.

I'm not letting go, 

I'm just letting you learn,

I will be here, but I can't promise you 

that I will stay forever.

when the time comes,

when the road splits,

remember, you just have to walk,

and let's pray that our path may, again, crossed.

of the things a friend should know.

HI,

Guess im back to writing into this virtual world.

For a moment, i thought like no one care, but the irony of 7 billion on earth and huge amount of them have access to the substances that are uploaded on the net. so yeah. someone somewhere should be able to relate to the shits im about to spur. I CANT BE THE ONLY ONE.

I am 20 now. so it's safe to assume that i am experienced in few matters. But, my focus tonight would be on being a FRIEND. friends. Undoubtedly they hold a huge part of your life, a closed secured place for you to pour you heart out, to cry your tears and to share thought and stories. A COMFORT ZONE i'd say.

as much as i would want to believe in all the beautiful ideas of having friends. SADLY, WE ALL FUCKING KNOW that reality doesn't work that way and it will find its way in making a bitch out of it.

I've always had a bad luck or bad friendships in my life. i'm suck at being nice to people, to initiate conversation or to not being irritate by the people, most of the time. COMPLEX. in fact im tired of it. HATING PEOPLE AINT EASY, but IT'S HARDER TO LOVE when they keep giving you reason to not to. I am, maybe, bad at stuffs like this but still it doesn't mean that i am not trying. everything starts with a small pace. i would want to believe in someone, i would want to have a thought while looking at something and know that someone who's looking at the same thing is thinking of the same thing. like people understand you in and out. you can simply cry and they will nod understanding and letting you cry on their shoulder without having you to explain. some one who can walk with you, either just the two of you or with a few other people BECAUSE THIS ONE FRIEND IS NOT ASHAMED OF WHAT YOU ARE, OR WHAT YOU MADE OF, OR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN. they believe in you, they help you if you are in need. and some other shits that you do in friendship.

BUT, people now are too simple in mind. Simple gesture is an impossible communication medium. FRIENDS ARE BE TAKEN AS GRANTED. my presence is temporary, our presence is temporary but you choose to ignore it, because you think that we will succumb to your simpleton thought. that we do not need any token of appreciation for going through up and down. that we are only your ear when your mouth wants to say something.

LET ME ENLIGHTEN YOU, NARCISSIST BASTARD.

lemme be honest, no one will fucking stay, and if there is anyone walks away, the blame is on your shoulder.
SINCE A SINGLE THOUGHT SEEMS SO HARD, HOW ABOUT WE SPEND NOTHING ON YOU. I know you didn't ask for it, but FYI, that's what a friend does, regardless of how najis your are to him. world doesn't revolve around you and there will be days when the cycle goes low on you. AND TELL YOU WHAT, when the time comes, i hope the wheel will fucking stop.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE people, appreciate your friend. DO stuffs for them. im not asking you to buy expensive shits of what, sometime a simple how are you question would already make someone's day. PLEASE, read between the lines. friends are bounded from letting go their anger to you. BECAUSE YOU ARE PRECIOUS TO THEM. please, see things beyond what there is to be seen. sometime people set his heart aside just so the friendship prevails. at one point' it will no longer serve the purpose. IT WILL ALL BE SO SUPERFICIAL. I know it seems like a lot of job but believe me, if it's a friend we are talking about, it's worthy.

THE OTHER THING PLEASE,

DO NOT JUDGE

You dont know a shit of what kind of life he has gone through, you dont know the pain, all the shits on his security. Please respect him for the way he acts. I bet he gives you space for you to be whoever you wanna be. Dont you think that it should be the same too. DONT YOU DARE to think that you are in a better position and ask him to change for kononnya his betterment! if you ever done this FUCK YOU. DONT SIMPLY TELL PEOPLE WHO THEY SHOULD BE INSTEAD OF THEMSELVES. WHITER ROBE, PURER FACE AND BETTER WORDS DO NOT NECESSARILY MEAN THAT YOU ARE BETTER. 

ANOTHER BIG DONT

DO not be ashame of your friends, 

if you dont want to be seen with them, or known to people that you are his friend, you better walk away bastard because talking pussy like you do nothing but disrupt people confident and security.

Accept people for the way they are and people will do the same thing to you.

as for me, IM TIRED OF BEING JUDGED. 

kudos, you pushed me away, WELL!